It's over now

So I've been toying with the idea of kissing this blog goodbye. It's not you, really, it's me. I just feel like I need to grow as a person and I need to find myself and I don't want to hurt you in the process. I know, I'm selfish, I'm a jerk, call me every name you can think of, I deserve it. I'm an asshole. I don't deserve you. I never did. I was never good enough. But I tried, that's worth something, isn't it? I'm sorry.

Seriously though, I'm really thinking of just stopping. Too many people I know personally read this thing and in all honesty, that's hindered my writing, if that's what you call this dribble. I've said this time and time again, I started this blog as a ventilation and the more people who know me who read this, the more filtered it gets. It really is my fault though. I didn't have to give them my address, I didn't have to tell them all about this "new thing I'm doing." I could have kept it a secret. The problem is me and my big mouth and my inability to keep anything a secret. Hence my blog. My vomit of all my goings on and all of my thoughts, sometimes written cryptically so only a certain person could read it. Who knew we had our own little DaVinci Code going on here. DaMelizzle Code.

Since I'm such an attention whore, and since blogging is quite addictive, I more than likely will continue blogging but just at a different address. I'll probably email all of you on my link bar with the new address because I like you guys and I like your insight. I like the 'relationship' we have in this blogosphere and I'd like to continue it. You all were smart, you've kept your blogs a relative secret between yourselves and the rest of us. Having people you know read what you're thinking is a little unsettling, so much so that you stop talking about it. You start talking about the materialistic things, the things don't really matter but they are the things that people have begun to associate with you. The fun. The drinking. The cursing. Everything that doesn't really matter but you've sort of made it matter because you've convinced yourself that it's what you're about. But you're not. Well, maybe a little bit.

This one will stay up for a while until I get the chance to print it out and save it for the future McScowlands.

Da Melizzle, out.

Suite

You know how after you have a horrendous move and you start a new job all you want to do is relax? Yeah, that was me last week. Luckily AF's mom turned fifty on Friday so we spent the entire weekend with her and his step-dad at the Lakeway Inn Resort on Lake Travis. Awwww, soo nice! We had a kickass room with a gorgeous view of the lake, a snazy flat screen, and a super comfy king sized bed.

Friday night we hung out in their suite while his step-dad made mojitos. After a couple of hours we went back to our room and ordered a porno. It was pretty stupid and we turned it off after thirty minutes. We stayed in bed all day Saturday and finally got out of bed to have dinner with them. We went to some awesome game restaurant called Hudson's on the Bend. When they told me it was a game restaurant I was a little hesitant because I'm imagining like freaking rhino or something. I didn't really take the time out to think about how a restaurant in Austin would be able to get rhino but whatevs. The oddest thing on the menu was rattlesnake so I was a little disappointed. I'm never happy. Two bottles of wine later, we were all feeling pretty good. I don't really remember much from dinner other thank talking about Rasputin and a bunch of churches in Italy. Afterwards we went back to their room and watched the Mavericks-Suns game. They also gave us our 'gift,' a box of twelve bottles of wine and liquor. They really like us. AF made homemade margaritas, of which I had one, and then had two Bacardis and Coke. We went back to our room where I drank four more Bacardis and Coke and got retarded drunk. After discovering that I was insanely drunk and crying out ten apologies to AF, I made my way to the bathroom and introduced myself to the toilet. Apparently during one of my trips to the bathroom, I threw the covers off and knocked the glass of sangria I had sitting on the nightstand all over the room. AF got up and cleaned it while I threw up and he said that in between heaves, I kept yelling out "Remember! Sponge! Don't rub!" I'm a clean drunk.

Jerllo ATX

Hmm, so the move here was, how do you say, God awful. Ninety degrees in a hundred percent humidity, yummy! It took us five hours to pack, and by "us" I mean it took James, Trevor, and James' old co-workers Marco and Johnny, five hours to pack up the U-Haul.

I spent all of Saturday night and all of Sunday unpacking so that when Monday came around I could just bum around all day. Oh yeah, Nasty is living with us for a couple of months. Ruh-oh! Mark flew in from Cali on Sunday so he and the boys have been having their boy fun of drinking all day and playing video games. I'm jealous.

I started the new job yesterday and it's, um, awesome! ALL of my co-workers are super duper fun and I think I'm going to love working with them. My manager is kickass, my assistant manager works (!!), and the two other leasing agents make me laugh all day.

I think I'm going to be happy :)

We just got our cable and internet today and OMG! I feel like I've been under a rock for the past five days! Last night I remembered "Hey, Tim's baby was supposed to be born today!" and I then I silently cursed Time Warner for not getting their ass out here sooner to install my internet. Don't they know I have lives to stalk! I was so anxious to know the outcome that I texted PK asking her if Tim was a daddy yet. As soon as I got home today, I rushed to the computer and read how Tim and Titso are now the proud parents of a little girl. Congratulations to you two :)

So all my lovin' goes

Tomorrow is my last day at work.

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I'm so happy to leave my fatass manager behind. Ugh, if I weren't expecting another paycheck after this one, I'd totally tell her to go fuck herself. In the ass. With a prickly cactus. After it's been dipped in gasoline. And then have her husband light a match. And burn herself inside out.

I have anger issues. Do you see what she has done to me? It's official: I need to leave.

We're trying to do a lot of packing tonight because we got absolutely nothing done last night. We went over to Kecia and Trevor's and had only planned on staying for a couple of hours. Yeah, we stayed for six hours and came home completely trashed, on Miller High Life no less. You don't get much more WT than that, and I'm not even white! Raviv, Michael, and Trevor's classmate, Pete, were there and we basically sat there for six hours chatting it up and eating like little piggies. Mmmm, Raviv's taters...Quotes of the night:

Raviv, a Jew, to Pete, an Italian-"Look at him! He's Italian but he's got a Jew nose!"

Raviv, upon hearing James use the word 'dorky'-"Why do you call him that? Is he really that dark? Do you have to call him Darky?"

Pete, upon hearing me say that someone was 'fucked up'-"Wow! She has a mouth on her!"

Raviv, telling us about a date he's going on tomorrow-"She's forty-five with a multi-million dollar house. She's taking me to see her horses."
Kecia-"Are you going to buy her flowers?"
Raviv-"No! She's taking me out, she better bring me the flowers!"

Depending on how strict my new office is, I might not post for a while. I know, you'll miss me terribly. I'll try to get on as soon as I can and let you in on all the new office gossip.

HOLLA!

Sun always shines on tv

Last night I created a playlist of music I listened to in high school. I don't know why, I must have been pretty bored. Or drunk. I didn't drink last night so it must have been because I was bored. I watched a lot of tv last night so I don't know how I managed to do that and still create a playlist. I must have great time management skills. My old college advisor would disagree and she was (is?) probably right and that probably explains why I dropped out with only thirty hours left until completion. Well, that and the fact that I was really enjoying getting retarded wasted five days out of the week. Those were some good times. I've realized that I wake up with a lot less bruises nowadays but I guess that's because I don't get retarded wasted anymore. That or I learned how to walk when I'm retarded wasted. One time I was at Nathan's, using the bathroom, and when I stood to pull my pants up, I lost my balance and slammed my face into the wall. I remember thinking "That's going to look like shit tomorrow" and it did so I had to wear a lot of make-up. It was so swollen that it hurt to laugh. I had a friend ask me if everything was okay and if he needed to kick someone's ass because he thought I was in an abusive relationship. I don't think he believed me when I told him that I fell down.

So I made this playlist of music I enjoyed when I was a teenager and I have to admit, I was a pretentious little shit. I listened to a lot of New Wave, A LOT of New Wave, and I bet I thought I was cool because I listened to a lot of bands that no one had ever heard of. I've been packing all of our books, all five hundred of them, and I came across my highschool yearbook from sophomore year. There was this page about people's favorite bands and I was quoted as saying "My current favorite band is Anything Box." I bet a lot of people read that and thought "Who's Anything Box?" and because I was so popular, I bet they Googled (or the Google equivalent of 1997) Anything Box and then ordered their album off Amazon. I bet Anything Box's sales went up by twenty (not percent, just twenty albums) in 1997 and it was all because of me being ultra cool. I was so cool it hurt. That might have been because a lot of people didn't like me because I was a bitch but I doubt it, it hurt because I was so ice cold. Frost bite.

I'm listening to the playlist right now and I'm annoyed. It's funny because it's something I used to get annoyed over when I when I was a teenager. Remember mixed tapes? My car didn't have a cd player because my parents hated me and bought me a car with just a cassette player. They probably thought "Remember when we used to have eight-track players in our car? Now Melissa has a cassette player in her car! Times, they are a changin'" No, they weren't that lame. They just didn't think about it. Anyway, I used to make mixed tapes of my cds so that I could listen to them in my car. I guess I could have used one of wires that you'd connect to your discman and then plug into the cigarette lighter but I was always told that those things drained your battery and I didn't want to get caught on some stupid ranch, making out with a boy, and not being able to make curfew because he had wanted to listen to his new Master P cd. Yeah, I dated some losers in high school. So I'd make mixed tapes and I'd always get pissed off when Soho's "Hippychick" (yes, I know, not New Wave but whatevs) came on and I'd get happy because I thought it was The Smiths "How Soon is Now?" but it wasn't and I'd get mad. That's what I'm feeling right now. I wonder if The Smiths got royalties or something from Soho. They probably didn't care. I'd care, especially because Soho got some major airplay from that song. They were even featured on a Beverly Hills 90210 episode. I think it was a club scene, maybe when Brandon was drinking a lot and his girlfriend took them to a club in L.A. and Kelly got grossed out because she saw someone shooting up on the dancefloor. I once saw a girl shoot up in the bathroom of a club in Monterrey. She had awesome sunglasses and I asked her if I could try them on. She sort of just mumbled something so I took it as a yes and modeled them in front of the mirror. They didn't look good on me but the next day I bought a pair just like them anyway. I've always been a fan of heroin chic, maybe that's why I liked New Wave.

Ha ha

Five (counting today) more days and I'm out of this p.o.s office.

Things that I will not miss:
1. My lazy, fatass co-workers.
2. Doing other peoples work.
3. Getting yelled at for trivial things.
4. Driving all over the freaking neighborhood for marketing and not getting paid mileage.
5. A cheap corporate office that won't allow us to get a new copier.
6. My lazy, fatass co-workers.
7. Having to work for people who have the intelligence of a field mouse but since I'm the peon, I still have to obey.
8. Having to work for idiots that have no problem breaking ever single Fair Housing Law and getting yelled at when I object.
9. My lazy, fatass co-workers.
10. My lazy, obese, bitchface, retarded, idiotic co-workers.

I was on a show a bit ago and the entire time I was out there, I kept thinking "I fucking hate you." I felt kinda bad for thinking that but she was a total bitch so I quickly got over it. I've realized that I'm always pissed off when I'm in this office and this has further increased my desire to get the hell out of here. I sort of feel like that one mad waitress in Waiting, the one who's always pissed off and says "Fuck" every five minutes. I totally see myself walking into the bathroom and mumbling things like "I fucking hate that fucking fatass fucking bitch. I wanna fucking rip her fucking heart out and then dip it in fucking Clorox and then shove that fucking useless organ into her fucking fat body and watch her fucking die." And then I walk out of the bathroom, huge Kool-Aid smile on my face, and say "Oh hi, how can I help you?"

This fucking office is making me bi-polar.

Our night watching the Astros suck ass by Mames

Look, we're happy and really looking forward to seeing an AWESOME game!



Then we got stuck in traffic and I was subjected to taking pictures of funny billboards. This one said "Being a weiner isn't everything, it's the only thing" I don't know what it was an advertisement for, though. Viagra?



Then I looked at the picture and saw that it didn't come out well so I was sad.



Then we get to Minute Maid Park and I laugh at the oranges, like, what do oranges have to do with baseball? Seriously, who's behind the decorating here?



What I really came for.



So I guess some election is coming up and we're supposed to vote for the Astros or something. I don't know. I'm just pissed that Napoleon Dynamite sold out and is doing advertising for a baseball team. What happened to you Napoleon, you used to be cool.



Sustenance. They looked kinda nasty and pooey but they were really good.



Mmm, more $8 beer, mmm...




Our hosts. Kristin works at Halliburton and because working at Halliburton means you get all kinds of perks, we only paid $17 for our tickets. I think working at Halliburton means you automatically get into heaven also.



Yeah, eat that dog, Johnny, just shove it in your mouth.



Oh yeah, there was a game being played, I almost forgot about it. It's easy to forget that a baseball game is being played when, um, it's basically ONE team out there. Hello?! Giants 10- Astros 1?

So the night was kind of a bust. The Astros sucked ass. Bonds didn't play. I spilled some beer on the guys in front of me. Yeah, it wasn't that great. At least we got some beer though.

Nasty- they're better than us

They have better IM conversations than we do, that's not cool. We have to up our game!

Ja right

Yeah, I pretty much don't wanna work anymore. I'm supposed to do marketing today and I've been sitting here playing with Publisher for the last two hours and all I've managed to create are two crappy flyers. We have this new program where each of us has to do fifteen marketing projects a week and all I can think of are six. You know, there was a reason why I didn't major in marketing in college. It's called "Sucking Ass at Marketing." I think I'm going to call my brother and tell him to work on the remaining nine for me, you know, cause he doesn't have anything else to do.

Blah, blah, blah.

I'm ready to go home.

We're going to an Astros game tonight and AF is super, duper excited because they're playing againt the Giants. I could care less about who wins or who breaks Babe Ruth's record, all I want is a hot dog and lots of beer. I also want to look cute but the hot dog and beer are priority. What are girls supposed to wear to baseball games?